May 17, 2018 — 10:03 PMI’m in Boston this week for work. Lovely city. My favorite part so far has been losing my credit cards and driver’s license. I’m not worried, though, because I just called TSA and together we came up with a plan to get me through airport security and back home to Seattle tomorrow… Continue reading A TSA Pat-Down and Other Things You Can Experience for Free in Boston
This is a picture of Sentry 2018, or “S18” for short. She’s a spirited young araneus cavaticus that guards my back fence. We just met today. She inherited this position from her mother, S17, who used to welcome me into her home every time I mowed the lawn last summer. Sweet lady. I can sometimes… Continue reading Will Work for Food
I’m helping to plan a wedding. It’s not for me. I already have a wife. It’s for my son and his fiancé, who is from Boston of all places. I was skeptical about their engagement for a long time because I didn’t believe it was possible to love someone who didn’t fervently hate the Patriots.… Continue reading The Price of Love
I’m going to have to sell our house and move. Not because the holidays left the carpets permanently covered in Christmas tree sap or because the HOA refuses to abolish it’s ridiculous “No Exotic Pets” rule. That would just be crazy. It’s because our bathroom mirrors are haunted. By demons. I’m not talking about the… Continue reading Don’t Look Back (Please)
My 11-year-old son and I slept in a tent on the snow last night. On purpose. It was all part of the Klondike Derby, an event that was started by the Boy Scouts of America in 1949 because they hated to be warm and dry back then. The picture above shows my son’s troop slogging… Continue reading Decapitation Merit Badge
Fortunately, I’ve spent the past several decades establishing a 10-step guide that helps me get through it. Confirm with my wife and kids that, yes, we’re still the type of people that hang lights on our house during the holidays.Wait until at least one other house in the neighborhood has its lights up, because nobody… Continue reading It’s Christmas Light Season, Again
Bad News: There’s smoke coming out from underneath our car.Good News: The car is no longer on fire. If you’ve never been at the epicenter of an explosion before (this was my second time), I assure you it’s nothing like the movies. There’s no accompanying thematic music, for example, or a slow-motion action sequence, or… Continue reading The Exploding Snot
I am not a fisherman. Somehow this fact didn’t deter my son’s scout leader from placing me in charge of the fishing merit badges this spring. I’m not exactly sure how I ended up in this role, but I imagine he started with a list of qualified candidates (e.g. the crew from the Deadliest Catch,… Continue reading Teach a Man to Teach to Fish
I’ve historically had bad luck with mountain bike rentals in Arizona. The last two intentionally tried to kill me by lurching into sharp rockery and another one broke down and left me stranded seven miles into a solo desert ride. So this time I rented a "premium" model – a 1x11, full-suspension bike with *working*… Continue reading Dessert in the Desert
My wife jabbed me in ribs this morning at 3am and asked if I was awake. I was. Then she asked if I could hear that sound. I could. It was hard to miss. Our 55lb dog was raucously trudging through our house looking for a suitable place to vomit. Then, he found it. We… Continue reading Wake-Up Call
