It’s Christmas Light Season, Again

Fortunately, I’ve spent the past several decades establishing a 10-step guide that helps me get through it.

  1. Confirm with my wife and kids that, yes, we’re still the type of people that hang lights on our house during the holidays.
  2. Wait until at least one other house in the neighborhood has its lights up, because nobody likes that family.
  3. Watch the weather and wait for a break in the rain.
  4. Put on my rain gear.
  5. Put away the Halloween decorations.
  6. Get out my wireless headphones so I can enjoy some nostalgic music while I work. This year I listened to “Thunderstruck,” “Highway to Hell,” “Back in Black,” and other seasonal favorites from the late Malcom Young.
  7. Pour a large cup of hot chai tea and prepare to spend the next several hours untangling strands of lights and replacing all the bulbs that unionized over the summer and who now refuse to spread holiday cheer.
  8. Create a wiring diagram that will minimize the possibility of a house fire after I deliberately plug all the extension cords into a single outlet.
  9. Confirm with my wife and kids that, yes, we’re still the type of people that hang lights on our house during the holidays.
  10. Climb onto the roof with the fading daylight and impending rain to see which of us will fall first, then pray I’ll lose honorably.

Originally posted on Medium.

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