My employer deployed an autonomous robotic mower to the front lawn of my building this week. It’s like a Roomba vacuum cleaner, but with considerably worse collision consequences for sleeping cats. I think it’s awesome, though not just for that reason. If you know me at all, then you know I despise mowing more than… Continue reading The Future of My Dreams
May 17, 2018 — 10:03 PMI’m in Boston this week for work. Lovely city. My favorite part so far has been losing my credit cards and driver’s license. I’m not worried, though, because I just called TSA and together we came up with a plan to get me through airport security and back home to Seattle tomorrow… Continue reading A TSA Pat-Down and Other Things You Can Experience for Free in Boston
This is a picture of Sentry 2018, or “S18” for short. She’s a spirited young araneus cavaticus that guards my back fence. We just met today. She inherited this position from her mother, S17, who used to welcome me into her home every time I mowed the lawn last summer. Sweet lady. I can sometimes… Continue reading Will Work for Food
There’s a small scar above my left eye, a keepsake from the time my sister and I tried to dig our way to China. I don’t remember the exact thought process that led to this bold venture, but since I was 5 and she was 13, I’m sure our reasoning was perfectly sound. I’m also… Continue reading Whole
I’m helping to plan a wedding. It’s not for me. I already have a wife. It’s for my son and his fiancé, who is from Boston of all places. I was skeptical about their engagement for a long time because I didn’t believe it was possible to love someone who didn’t fervently hate the Patriots.… Continue reading The Price of Love
I’m going to have to sell our house and move. Not because the holidays left the carpets permanently covered in Christmas tree sap or because the HOA refuses to abolish it’s ridiculous “No Exotic Pets” rule. That would just be crazy. It’s because our bathroom mirrors are haunted. By demons. I’m not talking about the… Continue reading Don’t Look Back (Please)
My 11-year-old son and I slept in a tent on the snow last night. On purpose. It was all part of the Klondike Derby, an event that was started by the Boy Scouts of America in 1949 because they hated to be warm and dry back then. The picture above shows my son’s troop slogging… Continue reading Decapitation Merit Badge
Fortunately, I’ve spent the past several decades establishing a 10-step guide that helps me get through it. Confirm with my wife and kids that, yes, we’re still the type of people that hang lights on our house during the holidays.Wait until at least one other house in the neighborhood has its lights up, because nobody… Continue reading It’s Christmas Light Season, Again
My oldest daughter turned 18 today. She’ll be graduating high school in June, then leaving for college in August. All this growing-up and moving-away stuff is expected, I guess, but it’s sure happening faster than I’d like. Those who’ve already sent a child off into The Great Big World know I’m muddling my way through… Continue reading Owie
Bad News: There’s smoke coming out from underneath our car.Good News: The car is no longer on fire. If you’ve never been at the epicenter of an explosion before (this was my second time), I assure you it’s nothing like the movies. There’s no accompanying thematic music, for example, or a slow-motion action sequence, or… Continue reading The Exploding Snot
