I’m helping to plan a wedding. It’s not for me. I already have a wife. It’s for my son and his fiancé, who is from Boston of all places. I was skeptical about their engagement for a long time because I didn’t believe it was possible to love someone who didn’t fervently hate the Patriots.… Continue reading The Price of Love
I’m going to have to sell our house and move. Not because the holidays left the carpets permanently covered in Christmas tree sap or because the HOA refuses to abolish it’s ridiculous “No Exotic Pets” rule. That would just be crazy. It’s because our bathroom mirrors are haunted. By demons. I’m not talking about the… Continue reading Don’t Look Back (Please)
Bad News: There’s smoke coming out from underneath our car.Good News: The car is no longer on fire. If you’ve never been at the epicenter of an explosion before (this was my second time), I assure you it’s nothing like the movies. There’s no accompanying thematic music, for example, or a slow-motion action sequence, or… Continue reading The Exploding Snot
I’ve historically had bad luck with mountain bike rentals in Arizona. The last two intentionally tried to kill me by lurching into sharp rockery and another one broke down and left me stranded seven miles into a solo desert ride. So this time I rented a "premium" model – a 1x11, full-suspension bike with *working*… Continue reading Dessert in the Desert
My wife jabbed me in ribs this morning at 3am and asked if I was awake. I was. Then she asked if I could hear that sound. I could. It was hard to miss. Our 55lb dog was raucously trudging through our house looking for a suitable place to vomit. Then, he found it. We… Continue reading Wake-Up Call
[I wrote this in 1997, so it's too late to send any congratulatory cigars. I'm still accepting cash, though.] My wife and I recently discovered we hadn’t gained much ground in our pursuit of vast riches and fame. In the meantime, though, we'd created a wonderful marriage together and our growing love for one another… Continue reading Not What I Expected
