I installed one of those fancy doorbell cameras a few months ago to help protect our home from unwanted burglars and guests. Mostly it just captures videos of the stupid neighborhood cat that regularly trespasses onto our porch to infuriate our dog. On Monday, though, it caught my 16-year-old son sneaking out of the house… Continue reading A Better Way
I feel bad for Donald Trump. Hear me out. According to Wikipedia, the poor guy spent his adolescence attending exclusive college prep schools. This means he missed out on the many benefits offered through the public school system, like seventh-grade P.E., which is where most American children are taught to feel bad about themselves. Without… Continue reading Losing Stings
[The following story is based on a stormy December night from 2003. No names have been changed, no characters invented, no events fabricated. Mostly.] Dashin’ through the snowIn a one-horse open sleigh The lights are up. The tree is decorated. O’er the fields we goLaughin’ all the way The sound of holiday music fills the… Continue reading Christmas Remix
What do you want to be when you grow up? This question has haunted me for decades. It all started in kindergarten when I blurted out “Fireman!” like all the other kids even though I sincerely doubted my ability to succeed at anything that would require me to wear suspenders and/or go outside after dark.… Continue reading When I Grow Up
Little kids are gross. I know this because my wife and I once had four of them living inside our house AT THE SAME TIME. Stockpiling hand sanitizers helped, of course, but I remember constantly worrying that one of the kids would eventually consume too much toilet paper and die. By “consume” I mean “eat.”… Continue reading Pandemically Challenged
I found half of two different bananas in our fruit bowl today. I understand not wanting to eat an entire banana in one sitting, but what sort of monster cuts into a brand-new one when they come back for more later? To find out, I sent pictures of the crime scene to my family but… Continue reading It’s Just Bananas
The flight attendant smiles and waves me forward. “Welcome aboard!” he says. I feel my stomach turn over. The thought of flying doesn’t usually faze me, but after spending the past few days in Disneyland, my body is now systematically programmed to prepare for the impending set of twists, jolts, spins, and drops that generally… Continue reading Buckle Up
There are worse things in life than having a broken toe. Trek, for example. For those who don't already know, Trek is a church-sanctioned youth activity that requires teenagers to dress up like pioneers and pull wooden handcarts 30 miles across rugged terrain during the heat of summer. The point is to give them a… Continue reading The Cost of Freedom
My wife and I just dropped our 17-year-old daughter off at the airport so she can spend the next 2½ weeks volunteering with a humanitarian organization that’s building schools and teaching English in Cambodia. Interesting Fact #1: Cambodia is not a suburb of Seattle. It’s not even in Washington or the Pacific Northwest or the… Continue reading She’s Off for Good
I’m going to help teach a high school computer science class this year! It took me a long time to write that first sentence. More specifically, it took me a long time to finish that first sentence. I struggled to decide if I should end it with an exclamation point to show how excited I… Continue reading Wish Me Luck
Eating My Way to the Top 