[The following story is based on a stormy December night from 2003. No names have been changed, no characters invented, no events fabricated. Mostly.] Dashin’ through the snowIn a one-horse open sleigh The lights are up. The tree is decorated. O’er the fields we goLaughin’ all the way The sound of holiday music fills the… Continue reading Christmas Remix
My wife left me. She’s visiting our grandkids and will come back next week, probably, but things are going to be rough around here until then. To survive, the kids and the dog and I created the following 7-day plan: Day 1: Stock up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer.Day 2: Carefully ration out our… Continue reading On Our Own
What do you want to be when you grow up? This question has haunted me for decades. It all started in kindergarten when I blurted out “Fireman!” like all the other kids even though I sincerely doubted my ability to succeed at anything that would require me to wear suspenders and/or go outside after dark.… Continue reading When I Grow Up
I got some bad news this week. My mom called from Idaho late Wednesday night to tell me that my 77-year-old father, who has been living with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for the past several years, was tired of all the unnecessary suffering and had given up the fight. She was elated. "I can’t… Continue reading There Goes My Early Retirement
This is the worst picture I have of myself – I’m pale, 40-pounds overweight, and wearing a hat that somehow looks even more awful than the balding head it’s dolefully covering. The shot was taken in the summer of 2003, which means I’ve had 16+ years to delete it from my archives. So why haven’t… Continue reading Picture Imperfect
My wife and I have been trying to make healthier eating choices this year with hope of becoming better role models for our kids. It’s been awful. Then, to make it worse, my parents just texted us a picture of their dinner – a package of “The Most Stuf” Oreos and two fruit yogurts. How… Continue reading Role Models
I found half of two different bananas in our fruit bowl today. I understand not wanting to eat an entire banana in one sitting, but what sort of monster cuts into a brand-new one when they come back for more later? To find out, I sent pictures of the crime scene to my family but… Continue reading It’s Just Bananas
I became a grandpa, of sorts, this week. My 18-year-old daughter brought a baby home from school on Monday. Don’t worry, it wasn’t alive. Or hers. Or even real. Sorry, I probably should have led with that last part. This grandparenting thing is a lot harder than I thought. Let me start over. My 18-year-old… Continue reading Handle with Care
There are worse things in life than having a broken toe. Trek, for example. For those who don't already know, Trek is a church-sanctioned youth activity that requires teenagers to dress up like pioneers and pull wooden handcarts 30 miles across rugged terrain during the heat of summer. The point is to give them a… Continue reading The Cost of Freedom
Two things: The standard sentence for first degree murder in the state of Washington is 20-26 years.My wife and I have been married for 27 years today. This means if she would’ve intentionally killed someone instead of marrying me back in ’92, she’d most likely be a free woman right now. Or at least awaiting… Continue reading Good with Words
Eating My Way to the Top 