I installed one of those fancy doorbell cameras a few months ago to help protect our home from unwanted burglars and guests. Mostly it just captures videos of the stupid neighborhood cat that regularly trespasses onto our porch to infuriate our dog. On Monday, though, it caught my 16-year-old son sneaking out of the house… Continue reading A Better Way
I am not a horse. For most of you, this probably isn’t too surprising. For my 7-year-old sister, however, the news was devastating. In hindsight, my parents should have been more specific as they were rushing out the door towards the hospital back in 1970, because when they promised her they’d bring back something she’d… Continue reading Neigh
My family doesn’t get out much these days. Local COVID-19 restrictions are partly to blame, but mostly it’s because we’ve forgotten how to act in public. Like, did you know it’s not normal to pass out in the middle of a Catholic funeral? It might not be normal to pass out in the middle of… Continue reading Ard Man Succumbs
[The following story is based on a stormy December night from 2003. No names have been changed, no characters invented, no events fabricated. Mostly.] Dashin’ through the snowIn a one-horse open sleigh The lights are up. The tree is decorated. O’er the fields we goLaughin’ all the way The sound of holiday music fills the… Continue reading Christmas Remix
My wife left me. She’s visiting our grandkids and will come back next week, probably, but things are going to be rough around here until then. To survive, the kids and the dog and I created the following 7-day plan: Day 1: Stock up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer.Day 2: Carefully ration out our… Continue reading On Our Own
What do you want to be when you grow up? This question has haunted me for decades. It all started in kindergarten when I blurted out “Fireman!” like all the other kids even though I sincerely doubted my ability to succeed at anything that would require me to wear suspenders and/or go outside after dark.… Continue reading When I Grow Up
I got some bad news this week. My mom called from Idaho late Wednesday night to tell me that my 77-year-old father, who has been living with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) for the past several years, was tired of all the unnecessary suffering and had given up the fight. She was elated. "I can’t… Continue reading There Goes My Early Retirement
This is the worst picture I have of myself – I’m pale, 40-pounds overweight, and wearing a hat that somehow looks even more awful than the balding head it’s dolefully covering. The shot was taken in the summer of 2003, which means I’ve had 16+ years to delete it from my archives. So why haven’t… Continue reading Picture Imperfect
My wife and I have been trying to make healthier eating choices this year with hope of becoming better role models for our kids. It’s been awful. Then, to make it worse, my parents just texted us a picture of their dinner – a package of “The Most Stuf” Oreos and two fruit yogurts. How… Continue reading Role Models
I found half of two different bananas in our fruit bowl today. I understand not wanting to eat an entire banana in one sitting, but what sort of monster cuts into a brand-new one when they come back for more later? To find out, I sent pictures of the crime scene to my family but… Continue reading It’s Just Bananas
Eating My Way to the Top 