This is the worst picture I have of myself – I’m pale, 40-pounds overweight, and wearing a hat that somehow looks even more awful than the balding head it’s dolefully covering. The shot was taken in the summer of 2003, which means I’ve had 16+ years to delete it from my archives. So why haven’t… Continue reading Picture Imperfect
My wife and I have been trying to make healthier eating choices this year with hope of becoming better role models for our kids. It’s been awful. Then, to make it worse, my parents just texted us a picture of their dinner – a package of “The Most Stuf” Oreos and two fruit yogurts. How… Continue reading Role Models
I found half of two different bananas in our fruit bowl today. I understand not wanting to eat an entire banana in one sitting, but what sort of monster cuts into a brand-new one when they come back for more later? To find out, I sent pictures of the crime scene to my family but… Continue reading It’s Just Bananas
I became a grandpa, of sorts, this week. My 18-year-old daughter brought a baby home from school on Monday. Don’t worry, it wasn’t alive. Or hers. Or even real. Sorry, I probably should have led with that last part. This grandparenting thing is a lot harder than I thought. Let me start over. My 18-year-old… Continue reading Handle with Care
There are worse things in life than having a broken toe. Trek, for example. For those who don't already know, Trek is a church-sanctioned youth activity that requires teenagers to dress up like pioneers and pull wooden handcarts 30 miles across rugged terrain during the heat of summer. The point is to give them a… Continue reading The Cost of Freedom
Two things: The standard sentence for first degree murder in the state of Washington is 20-26 years.My wife and I have been married for 27 years today. This means if she would’ve intentionally killed someone instead of marrying me back in ’92, she’d most likely be a free woman right now. Or at least awaiting… Continue reading Good with Words
I went to my first professional baseball game this week. I’m 49. A few more years and I might have lived my entire life without seeing a single inning. Oh well. It’s not that I’ve been too poor to finance a hot dog ($12), a pretzel ($8), and a soda ($6) at the stadium until… Continue reading Take Me Out of the Ball Game
My mom called to yell at me on my way to work today. At first I thought she’d found out about that time in college my friends and I got caught sneaking into a penthouse in downtown Vegas, but then realized she was actually yelling because my dad was outside shoveling snow off their driveway… Continue reading Help Wanted
I surprised my family with coupons for flu shots last weekend. They were not delighted. I guess I don’t really blame them, especially with all the controversies surrounding vaccinations these days. Are the shots even necessary? Or effective? Or safe? Everything is debatable now, it seems. Back when I was young, things were much simpler:… Continue reading They’ll Thank Me Later
Do you know what happens when your daughter’s new boyfriend accidentally fills your car’s six-cylinder, fuel-injected gasoline engine with diesel? Because I do. The car continues to run just fine. But only briefly. After a few hundred yards, it will start sputtering. The sputtering then turns to clanking which quickly degenerates to violent shaking. It… Continue reading Last First Date
