My three grandkids (ages 5, 5, and 3) flew in from Boston yesterday with their parents and are here for the holidays. When I came downstairs this morning at 7am, the kids were already up and playing a game called “Let’s throw Hot Wheels cars at the shiny Christmas tree bulbs.” They were very good… Continue reading Rocketing the Christmas Tree
Tamie and I helped chaperone a youth church dance on New Year’s Eve. Don’t worry, our kids are all grown up and living in different states so we didn’t embarrass them to death by being old in public. Since we hadn't been preassigned a specific task, we showed up an hour early in case the… Continue reading 2025 Is for Professionals Only
My youngest son is finishing his first year of college this week which means I’m going to be very busy editing a final paper on a book that neither of us read. I’m really looking forward to it. After all, it’s nice having an excuse to spend quality time debating grammar rules and discussing current… Continue reading Will Edit for Free
Our mixer is on the kitchen counter and ready for duty today. My wife is a blur behind it, pulling out measuring cups, baking pans, and containers of sugar, flour, and eggs. In front, our old cookbook is opened and turned to the desserts section. The page she’s referencing is semitranslucent from absorbing splattered drops… Continue reading Gingersnaps and Dog Hair
I found a fancy bar of soap in our spare bathroom last week. It's supposedly made from “Alaskan Glacier Mineral Clay” which is a very expensive way to spell “mud.” Like $8-per-bar expensive. I'm not rich enough to afford anything that luxurious, of course. My son left it behind when he moved away to college… Continue reading This Is Not an Ad
My youngest son graduated from high school last month. This means my wife and I get to retire with a perfect 4-0 record against our children, each of whom would’ve preferred to drop out and become a rich teenage TikToker. I don’t blame them. School is harder than ever nowadays. Nobody understands how New Math… Continue reading Generation.next()
My wife and I have always tried to spend at least one evening every week enjoying fun family activities with our children. Last Monday, for example, we took our youngest son to a full-service tattoo and piercing studio. Afterwards, we stopped for some dessert and a bottle of saline solution then drove home and watched… Continue reading Quality Family Time
What do you want to be when you grow up? This question has haunted me for decades. It all started in kindergarten when I blurted out “Fireman!” like all the other kids even though I sincerely doubted my ability to succeed at anything that would require me to wear suspenders and/or go outside after dark.… Continue reading When I Grow Up
Little kids are gross. I know this because my wife and I once had four of them living inside our house AT THE SAME TIME. Stockpiling hand sanitizers helped, of course, but I remember constantly worrying that one of the kids would eventually consume too much toilet paper and die. By “consume” I mean “eat.”… Continue reading Pandemically Challenged
The flight attendant smiles and waves me forward. “Welcome aboard!” he says. I feel my stomach turn over. The thought of flying doesn’t usually faze me, but after spending the past few days in Disneyland, my body is now systematically programmed to prepare for the impending set of twists, jolts, spins, and drops that generally… Continue reading Buckle Up
