While taking roll on the first day of kindergarten, my teacher asked each of us students, in turn, if we’d prefer to use a name other than the one she’d just read. As expected, most Roberts said they’d like to go by Bob, some Rebeccas opted for either Becca or Becky, and all Richards sensibly… Continue reading Call Me Jerry
I’ve received multiple “Best Dad Ever!” awards through the years from my children. Sure, most of them were crafted under direct orders from grade school teachers, but the point is I have documented proof that I’m not a terrible father. It’s important you know this before reading any further. My oldest daughter flew home from… Continue reading Awkwardly Silent Night
My mom called to yell at me on my way to work today. At first I thought she’d found out about that time in college my friends and I got caught sneaking into a penthouse in downtown Vegas, but then realized she was actually yelling because my dad was outside shoveling snow off their driveway… Continue reading Help Wanted
I just spent 30 minutes at the post office. The place was packed, the self-service machine was broken, and there were only three people helping with the lines. But the worst part was how cordial everyone was being to each other. First, an older lady who was literally dragging a laundry basket full of packages… Continue reading Going Not Postal
I sent my wife out for a professional pedicure this afternoon which makes me sound pretty great until you know the whole story. For those who may have lost track, it’s been 75 days since Tamie tore her hamstring and an equal number of days since she’s been able to touch anything below her left… Continue reading Trying
I surprised my family with coupons for flu shots last weekend. They were not delighted. I guess I don’t really blame them, especially with all the controversies surrounding vaccinations these days. Are the shots even necessary? Or effective? Or safe? Everything is debatable now, it seems. Back when I was young, things were much simpler:… Continue reading They’ll Thank Me Later
I just had a super fun discussion with one of the program managers on my team. Our software is going through an external security review right now (a normal and healthy part of releasing and operating trustworthy products), and this person found some obscure scenario that’s completely unrelated to the work we're doing. She stopped… Continue reading Needs More Bear Traps
Do you know what happens when your daughter’s new boyfriend accidentally fills your car’s six-cylinder, fuel-injected gasoline engine with diesel? Because I do. The car continues to run just fine. But only briefly. After a few hundred yards, it will start sputtering. The sputtering then turns to clanking which quickly degenerates to violent shaking. It… Continue reading Last First Date
I ran into a tree while mountain biking today. With my face. I don’t remember the specific details that led up to the incident, but I imagine things unfolded like this: First, I was riding along and my face wasn’t hitting any trees, then, quite unexpectedly, it was. Physics and poor judgement are cruel mistresses.… Continue reading Scary Fast
My employer deployed an autonomous robotic mower to the front lawn of my building this week. It’s like a Roomba vacuum cleaner, but with considerably worse collision consequences for sleeping cats. I think it’s awesome, though not just for that reason. If you know me at all, then you know I despise mowing more than… Continue reading The Future of My Dreams
