Have you ever been to a professional dog show? Me neither, but I recently watched several minutes of one on TV and then went online to find out if my new puppy, Rupert, would qualify for such an event. SPOILER ALERT: He would not. According to the American Kennel Club’s official 166-page Regulations and Guidelines… Continue reading In Training
The automatic soap dispenser built into our dishwasher stopped working. Instead of selling our house and moving, I just watched a short how-to video online and fixed it myself. Saved us a ton of money. Was my wife impressed? No, but that’s because she hates having to wash blood out of my clothing. It’s not… Continue reading The Cost of Saving
When our 10-year-old dog died unexpectedly last June, Tamie and I decided we weren’t going to get another one. Raising a puppy is exhausting and saying the final goodbye is too painful. Besides, now that we had grandkids, we needed the flexibility to travel literally anywhere in the world to see them at a moment’s… Continue reading Getting Found
My insurance provider is sending me a free in-home test kit to screen for colorectal cancer. I’m not sure where they got the idea that I’m good at do-it-yourself projects. It took me two tries, four unnecessary holes, and a lot of bad words to install a “No Tools Required” safety gate at the top… Continue reading Wish Me Luck
NASA is now using my team's software to analyze astronaut genomes WHILE THEY ARE STILL ONBOARD the ISS. This will undoubtedly prevent them from carrying back any parasitoidal alien DNA. You’re welcome, Earth. I guess this means I owe my 11th grade biology teacher an apology. I thought those frog anatomy worksheets he regularly assigned… Continue reading This Is Why Coloring Is Important
July 10, 2021 My dog would’ve made a terrible pirate. Ivan’s swordsmanship was mediocre, at best, and he certainly couldn’t be trusted to carry around a live parrot. He was notoriously bad, though, at burying treasure. Whenever he’d acquire something particularly valuable, like a marrow bone, he’d rush off to bury it beneath the pear… Continue reading Swashbuckled
Like most people, I needed to use the word “circumcise” in a text message earlier this week except I didn’t know how to spell it so I asked the internet and now I’m getting ads for circumcision clamps on all my web pages. Now I'm thinking about starting a side business. I’ve spent my entire… Continue reading Working for Tips
I’m going to start showing up on some sort of Untrained Employee List at work in a few weeks. My company rolled out a new series of required training courses this year to teach people like me how to “build inclusive team behaviors” and “manage team bias” and “empower a team speak-up culture” which essentially… Continue reading Back to the Breakfast Club
Lots of people keep asking how things are going here in Idaho. So. As you may recall, my 78-year-old father fell and shattered his hip five weeks ago. A few days after getting it repaired, he had an undiagnosed ulcer burst which led to another emergency surgery. In the month since then, his heart and… Continue reading Wednesdays are the Worst Days
I’m balding, separated from my wife, and living in the back bedroom of my parents’ house. Sure, two of those things are only temporary setbacks, but this isn’t how I’d imagined life at 51. Still, I know I’m right where I need to be right now. My dad slipped and broke his hip last week,… Continue reading Slipping
Eating My Way to the Top 