I became a grandpa, of sorts, this week. My 18-year-old daughter brought a baby home from school on Monday. Don’t worry, it wasn’t alive. Or hers. Or even real. Sorry, I probably should have led with that last part. This grandparenting thing is a lot harder than I thought. Let me start over. My 18-year-old… Continue reading Handle with Care
One of my coworkers suggested I wear compression socks to a conference on human genomics I went to earlier this month. He said they’d help mitigate the pain of standing at our booth all day which was a lie because they only prevented blood from pooling into my lower legs but did nothing to stop… Continue reading Bad Fit
I got grounded from writing this week. I can’t go into details because my wife who shall remain anonymous said if I posted anything about it on social media we would have to move out of state and I wasn’t sure if her “we” included me or if she just meant her and the kids… Continue reading Gagged
A stray cat wandered into our backyard yesterday. Our dog, who is always eager to help the less fortunate, made multiple attempts to peacefully redirect it elsewhere. At least that’s how I like to think everything started. Regrettably, by the time I made it outside to see what all the commotion was about, diplomatic negotiations… Continue reading Cat Snacks
My wife and I decided to spice up our marriage by having all the wood flooring forcibly removed from our home. Sure, we could’ve just booked a themed hotel room for the weekend or taken a romantic dance class together, but this way we’ll get to spend the next several weeks passionately debating new stain… Continue reading New Dance Floor
There are worse things in life than having a broken toe. Trek, for example. For those who don't already know, Trek is a church-sanctioned youth activity that requires teenagers to dress up like pioneers and pull wooden handcarts 30 miles across rugged terrain during the heat of summer. The point is to give them a… Continue reading The Cost of Freedom
My 17-year-old daughter is nearly halfway around the world from me right now in Battambang, Cambodia. She’s there for the next couple weeks helping build schools for impoverished nearby villages. She’s also exploring ancient temples, visiting the open markets, and immersing herself in the local culture. To help pass the time while she’s gone, I… Continue reading Justly Concerned
Two things: The standard sentence for first degree murder in the state of Washington is 20-26 years.My wife and I have been married for 27 years today. This means if she would’ve intentionally killed someone instead of marrying me back in ’92, she’d most likely be a free woman right now. Or at least awaiting… Continue reading Good with Words
My wife and I just dropped our 17-year-old daughter off at the airport so she can spend the next 2½ weeks volunteering with a humanitarian organization that’s building schools and teaching English in Cambodia. Interesting Fact #1: Cambodia is not a suburb of Seattle. It’s not even in Washington or the Pacific Northwest or the… Continue reading She’s Off for Good
According to the internet, a “baker’s dozen” is 12 + 1. The phrase dates back to the middle ages when bakers would include an extra loaf of bread for every dozen ordered so they wouldn't get fined and/or flogged if one was accidently misplaced during transit. Of course, it could have also been defined as… Continue reading Perfectly Planned
