I took my dog in for his annual exam today and the vet said Rupert had reached his "pet weight" which is one of those phrases that sounds kind of like a compliment but is actually a backhanded way of saying he's gotten too fat to survive on his own in the wild. This is… Continue reading Pet Weight
I once snuck a large Burmese python onto a flight from Arizona to Idaho. Then back again. If you think this was the hardest thing I’ve ever done with Hank, the snake I bought as a pet back in college, you’d be wrong. Before 9/11, airport security was primarily based on the honor system, so… Continue reading The Hardest Part
We celebrated the first anniversary of Rupert’s Adoption Day last week. Don’t feel bad if you didn’t send a card. I can see how you might forget about the existence of a 71-pound dog if you weren’t living with him every day. Besides, I’m not sure if Hallmark even covers this specific occasion, so you… Continue reading Truth in Advertising
My wife and I were married 30 years ago today. To show her how much I still love her, I got up at 3:30am to clean dog vomit off our bedroom floor so she could stay snuggled in bed. I know pearl is the traditional gift for this major milestone, but she strongly hinted she… Continue reading Keeping it Fresh
June 10, 2022 There’s a two-mile trail near my home that punches its way upwards through 2000 vertical feet of unkempt Pacific Northwest forest. It’s little more than a crack through thicketed undergrowth – a tangled and erratic mixture of stone, roots, and sludge. My dog and I first discovered it in 2011. I was… Continue reading Upwards
I’ve been hobbling around the house all week because I hurt my back trying to wrestle a 14-foot, 110lb Burmese Python back into his cage. You probably have questions. Let me assure you, though, that I was being extra careful and was only lifting a few feet of snake at a time. I’m not an… Continue reading Consssequences
When our 10-year-old dog died unexpectedly last June, Tamie and I decided we weren’t going to get another one. Raising a puppy is exhausting and saying the final goodbye is too painful. Besides, now that we had grandkids, we needed the flexibility to travel literally anywhere in the world to see them at a moment’s… Continue reading Getting Found
July 10, 2021 My dog would’ve made a terrible pirate. Ivan’s swordsmanship was mediocre, at best, and he certainly couldn’t be trusted to carry around a live parrot. He was notoriously bad, though, at burying treasure. Whenever he’d acquire something particularly valuable, like a marrow bone, he’d rush off to bury it beneath the pear… Continue reading Swashbuckled
June 10, 2021 My dog died today. I took him to the vet yesterday for what I thought was an ongoing sensitive-stomach issue, but turned out to be a ruptured mass in his small intestine. The cancer had already spread to his nearby lymph nodes and liver, and he was septic. They gave him 12-hours.… Continue reading Ivan The Terrible
My dog goes to the door whenever he needs to use the bathroom. Since I don’t want to risk an accident, I always drop whatever I’m doing and let him out as soon as he starts barking. I usually don’t mind, though, because it gives me an excuse to break away from my computer and… Continue reading Who’s a Good Boy?
