This Is Not an Ad

I found a fancy bar of soap in our spare bathroom last week. It’s supposedly made from “Alaskan Glacier Mineral Clay” which is a very expensive way to spell “mud.” Like $8-per-bar expensive. I’m not rich enough to afford anything that luxurious, of course. My son left it behind when he moved away to college last month. He’s not rich enough to afford anything that luxurious either but discovered the bars didn’t cost him anything if he used my credit card.

Since there’s no possible way to return a single bar of soap without ending up on the wrong side of an internet meme, I decided to just try the soap myself.

It was life changing.

As a long-time consumer of Zest®-brand bars ($8 per dozen), I assumed soap was scientifically formulated to dry out your skin. I also assumed it was supposed to leave you smelling like an 8th-grade boys’ PE shower room. And that the combination of these things is what keeps the germs at bay.

Oh, the years I’ve wasted.

I had no idea soap wasn’t supposed to hurt, or that I could smell like a crisp forest waterfall, or what a crisp forest waterfall even smells like until this week. And now there’s no going back.

I figure if my son could figure out a way to pay for these fancy soaps using my money, so can I!