Trying

I sent my wife out for a professional pedicure this afternoon which makes me sound pretty great until you know the whole story.

For those who may have lost track, it’s been 75 days since Tamie tore her hamstring and an equal number of days since she’s been able to touch anything below her left knee. This means I’ve been in charge of all the affected maintenance tasks down there, like changing her socks, applying moisturizers, etc. So while I was in the middle of shaving her calf this morning she nonchalantly asked if I would exfoliate her foot when I finished and I immediately and rightly said, “No. Ew.”

Stay with me, because this gets worse.

She was clearly offended by my candid response and wanted to know how this situation was any more gross than the time I let the dog lick my ice-cream cone while I was still eating it and I explained the cone was actually his and I was the one having the lick and also it wasn’t covered in 75-day-old foot debris but this somehow didn’t help her mood so now she’s at a salon with my youngest daughter and I’m at home with the dog and none of us are eating ice-cream cones.