My insurance provider is sending me a free in-home test kit to screen for colorectal cancer. I’m not sure where they got the idea that I’m good at do-it-yourself projects. It took me two tries, four unnecessary holes, and a lot of bad words to install a “No Tools Required” safety gate at the top of our stairs a few weeks ago. And the stupid thing still doesn’t open right. Plus, I ultimately had to enlist the help of my wife and 16-year-old son, both of whom will likely be much less willing to lend me a hand this time.
Eating My Way to the Top 
If you don’t get this right, there’s always the colonoscopy to fall back on. That should be ample incentive for acing this simpler exam. Good luck. No assembly required.
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Haha! Yes, this is definitely motivating!
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Well, I arrived late for this, um, party, Tracy. Dare I ask how it went?
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Mitch, it went surprisingly well! In fact, I feel like I’ve really overestimated the amount of training required to become a medical professional. Given I mastered screening for colorectal cancer by simply reading a how-to pamphlet, imagine what I could accomplish with a detailed YouTube video and set of sterilized pliers!
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